..... i drink from the sink

i don't know how to make my way around this blog thing. i can't find a search thing. my background is blah. there are so many out there that are way way way more digitally crafty than moi. why is there not an easier way? how can i hook up w/ other bloggers like myself? and what would like myself mean? confused, hence the name of the blog for one thing. and i did it to myself. i wrote the, "for one thing," in a sentence, like now i am commited to writing a whole list, which in fact i had no intention of doing in the first place. and guess what? there is no second place, or third, or fourth. like me? what would that be? silly, annoyed right because the phone rang and i answered "hello?", and i heard nothing so i hung up and it's ringing again. i don't like the phone ringing. it interrupts whatever i'm doing, which right now is writing what kind of person i am. which is...what?! right now my hair is too short. it doesn't define me. i am beyond being vain because i'm too old to care, or try to be something i'm not, which is sexy. i'm earthy. but i still wish i had the patience to grow my hair out long. i think that would be more me. i have trouble with using the words then, and than. i have no trouble with your or you're. i get that. if my hair was long it would represent me better, it would say that i am not trying to be anything, i am just. my short hair says either "I don't care anymore," or "I'm trendy", which I am very much not. i like jeans and a t-shirt. The American and possibly world-wide acceptable form of dress. I will get no readers from this, and maybe that is okay because I am intimidated by the amount of extraordinary talented blogs there are out there. i just want to be heard i think. even if i have nothing to say. that validation of being or feeling small, like your existence is neither finite or infinite, as if it you may or may not be here and life goes on. i am not that type of person to think such poor me things. spontaneous. that's me. spur of the moment, let's do this thing kind of person. I blog therefore I am. How many times has that one been used before. We all want to be heard or seen, for our existence to matter, to have some significance beyond, in my case, being a child-bearer, and having my lineage go on, even if it's in my married name. i want to make a difference of course. i'm not sure what kind of difference, obviously a good one. who will find me when they press the next blog link? am i even on there? cherries. fish bait. fish bait that is of the squishy plastic blue glitter kind. just to feel it between my fingers and smell the plastic. my trash is overflowing. my cup, not so much. i keep having to feel it. that might be because the bubbles from the diet coke keep taking up space at the top. i know it is unhealthy. i know it destroys your bones. the carbonation i think. and the artificial sweetener. i use the new green kind of packets for my coffee. what's the name? i'm going to have to get up off of this chair to go and see what it is named, even though i use it every day. there is a curse against me regarding buying and operating, and keeping functional- coffee pots. i have tried the glass carafe. broke it. the metal carafe, stopped worked. the coffee machine without a carafe, no luck there either, stopped working within 6 months. is it the well water? i drink from the sink. i don't know what hidden particles and minerals are in there, but i know they turn the bath tub orange. i have a claw foot tub. the porcelain gets warm as the water rises. it takes a while to fill up. why would minerals in a well kill a coffee pot? what hidden evils are in there? am i drinking it? has it caused my past year of weird symptomatic body issues? i haven't taken as many pain pills today as i usually do. i am not a druggie. i appreciate being pain free, however. it is a nicer existence. something to do with the thyroid. i will not know until july 26. i have done nothing today. i created a poem, and outed myself as having ADD, and i feel stupid now. like no one needs to know that. no one needs to know where your inspiration comes from. or why you are so creative, and artsy. i prefer the word artsy over arty. arty sounds like a cartoon character's name. no one will read this. my eyeglasses are broken. one, what is it called, ear piece i think broke off in a hotel one day while on vacation. i don't know where the ear piece is now. i have a string tied to it. my 10 year old daughter fixed it for me. its sideways but still functional. they have watched tv all day. i should feel guilty. but i tell myself that it is okay. but i want to make my body fly just as my mind does. i want to be SuperWoman with her really long brown hair and her cape that she can toss for emphasis. people would listen. they would see. not people really, my children. i used to be a better mother when they were younger. they played with toys. i made things with them. they are older now and just as content to sit in front of the television. i am not a good Mom. not in that way. I need to be better. i am inconsistent. do you see that sometimes I capitalize the i and sometimes I don't? details. i notice them. i don't know why others don't, or aren't as bothered by them as i am. don't tap your fingers repetitively, please. my mom hated us to drag our feet. it was a sign of disrespect somehow. i'm not sure how. is it because the feet draggers don't take the time to actually pick their feet up as they walk, which implies laziness, and furthermore the meaning "i don't have to do what you say but i will, and as i will, i will drag my feet." it's like the saying goes, "drag your feet." it means take too long to do something. but what if too long means it will be a better thing, a superior outcome, instead of just slapping something together. in a timeframe. we all have different time frames. my husband will be home soon. he will see that i have done nothing. i am in my pajamas. but i did take a bath. i will tell him i am wearing these pajamas because the cotton is very soft and tissue thin, and gives where i need it to. i will be telling the truth. bubbles. they pop and then all is lost. but its in that second that they are round and rainbows are captured within that is so spectacularly beautiful. i wish for a macro lens. i wish for osmosis, so that i can put someone's talent in book form under my pillow as i sleep and i can do wondrous things, like capture the water as it drops from the sink. i told you already. i drink from the sink.