Better Late Than Never

WOW! Two whole years since I've written in my blog. A lot has happened since then. I no longer have joint pain. I had thyroid cancer and had a thyroidectomy and got the whole thing out. Now I'm on new meds for that. I still haven't found my niche beyond being a wife and mother. My kids are mostly independent now. I got my CNA license. I need to find a job where I can work when the kids are in school. I haven't actively looked for one. I kind of got one at one place but they haven't called me back. The house is an absolute wreck. Laundry is piled up everywhere. Mostly clean that I have to do something with. But there is no room for it in drawers. All of them are packed full. Maybe that means I need to get rid of the clothes. I wish I could have the kids in a uniform. They used to wear one at the private school that they went to. They have been in public school for two years now. I'm not sure how I feel about that. They have been exposed to things that I'd rather them not to at their ages. My twelve year old was on the bus the other day and I should mention that the high schoolers ride with the middle schoolers, and my twelve year old Jillian was shown marijuana. This girl said to her, "Look I've got weed. Smell it." And Jillian smelled it. She told the girl that it would kill her. She learned that drugs kill at school. She doesn't understand that it is against the law and that is the main extent of it. I'd rather her think it kills than just gets someone high. I've done my share of smoking at different times in my life. I would never ever tell my kids that though. But here I am posting it on a blog. I guess I was somewhat of a tree hugger. Now I am too lazy to recycle and do things to soften my print on this big green earth. I feel guilty about that but it doesn't change anything. I've lost touch with a lot of my friends. Becoming a hermit and surfing and chatting online. I found a sister for a friend who lives in Iran. And there is this guy that I love that I talk to. I used to do photography and have stopped doing that. I don't know how or why I've become stagnant. I feel like I have lost my purpose. Or that my purpose has changed. I said labels belong on jelly jars but they also explain things. I am ADD and bipolar. So I am on meds for that. Somehow I ran out of my ADD meds though. I probably misplaced them. Imagine that. I have gotten into writing poetry on Deviantart. I'll put a link in here. http://chewyraezen.deviantart.com/ I can't remember what other posts I've written. I'll have to check them out. I wonder if I have changed or am still the same person. My husband said I changed after I had my thyroid surgery. Like some of the spark was gone from me. It's not anything I can change so I choose not to focus on it and try to be a good person. Whatever that means to be a good person. Just trying to do my best. But sometimes my best is not enough. Oh well. Cest La Vie right?! Thanks for reading.